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  • Writer's pictureRawan

A tribute to your blissful-soul who left years earlier than your own death.

Updated: Jul 11, 2022

Its only after your sudden death, I recalled how your whole existence influenced mine. Your life, your interests and your story; if it mattered to anyone it would be me. You staying alone in that house that once was so crowded of your loved ones but as life grow them apart; life stands still like the time is immune to moving forward in your green living room.

You sat there for hours on your marked spot on the sofa, watching TV amusing your thoughts or distracting it, or the way you would sit on the swing chair surrounded by greenery and bees; It is still a mystery why there's this astonishing numbers of bees in your home.

I associate you with all the happy family gatherings, lunches, Eid, Ramadan and every occasion you will be the core of it as i always felt that you were the nicest person who never spoke of the way i looked, talked, and never hated my independence but were so inspired by it.

I think of your pre-dementia phase, and how did you spend all that time alone until your mental illness took over everything you were.

It started with your lack of interest in socializing, and difficulty and almost rejection of walking; which was everything but you, but i remember it as everyone accepted that as part of growing old. Then you started to lose your hearing, and we had to shout to get a response which made me feel an eerie sense of melancholy; then you slept one day and rejected to walk ever again. Spent your following years laying into bed not talking only waving to acknowledge our existence, laying there quietly.

And on random Saturday, your soul choose to leave your body the same body who died a long time ago, just like your blissful personality you choose to go quietly prior to sunrise as you promised to see that sun on that day. I wish your brain recalled that as freeing moment from it dying cells, I hope you realized who you are before your death and took a final look on the house around you, and i hope you remembered our love and that you felt our visitation.

I pray that you lived a life that you were happy about, and its never about how long we stay but the length of which we experienced being, and i knew in your youth you were someone whom i'll think about all the time, you grown out of yourself but at the time you lived i'm sure you've done your best, I'll carry you within me as i walked to your house one more time after your death i felt a sense of emptiness that is difficult to express only to experience.

I kissed your dead body and waved you goodbye, thus i know for a fact you're gone but i couldn't cry or shed a tear and i think this is the deepest part of pain; I feel for you not only that we lost you but that you lost and mourn your self alone all those years.

Thinking of you and saving you a seat always, Aaum!


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