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  • Writer's pictureRawan

03:00 AM

Its time, my body aches and comes to full sudden consciousness an eerie feeling like you missed on your whole life, link you forgot your long awaited train towards light heading to the final tunnel speeding to the light. My eyes are wide open and i’ve no sense of whats around me as I experience my thoughts patterns, I live like i did for the past 4 years within and all external inputs are just an information upon my skin, but there's something about the night terror that awakens the soul, as if putting up a show a whole day is reaching it painful peak.

The ceiling above me expands and vanishes into the darkness, and i see nothing but a black mass and my heart beats trying to break free from my chest. I remember to excise my right of existence by reminding my self of whats real, what here & now. So, my wide open eyes will shift to the window of my room to guess how close the sun from starting a new day, and in utter pain i see the darkness, blue and dim darkness as i sleep through the light and only woke through the darkness.

My eyes are red, my head is bouncing, chaos, chaos, chaos, and galaxies’ exploding in my head, I remember to break and i sense my heartache remaining me of my own vividness. "Good thoughts, breath.." i whisper as i feel the heat in my head and belly. Like the world is shutting the curtains mid-show and you're not ready yet, to let go.

I'm here,

I want to remember how it felt when the sun was up, i fight to remember how it is like to experience life normally.

A memory when my father took us around the garden and capturing our outfit and celebrating our own existence, someone cared enough to capture that moment of time and the pictures still lives own from a past life.

A memory of being on the beach comes to me, and in tears i recalled it vividly, there was a sun so bright and beautiful and there was a sea so wide and clear.. the sand was so soft and warm, I walked barefoot on the sand with nothing but the sound of the wave collecting shells and running away from the cold wave.

A memory when i finished last day in high school, i felt so free and i looked truly to what the future holds.

It is really how it feels when we experience these memories? Or we just tend to romanticize the past to aim to relive it again, nonetheless I had to remember it this way, I have to have something to bring the sun and maybe thats why. I close my eyes trying to sleep, another thought I tried to rememberer the good things the happy things but my brain suffers from memory, a thought occurred and I knew that the world will end before I do.


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